Dream Dweller
by slightlysmall
Summary: Lily Evans has agreed to marry James, but when she's alone, she just can't seem to stop thinking about Severus Snape.


**A/N: These characters belong to JKR, whom I'm not. Written for FanFiction's Got Talent Round 2. My character was Lily Evans, my prompts were "beauty, baby blue, photo" and the quote "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."**

Lily Evans might've been a witch, but she still preferred Muggle photographs. In a wizard's photograph, a sneezing subject had the luxury of his whole sneeze, start to finish, and then he could walk out of the frame to blow his nose, and return to smile and wave at the person holding the picture. In a Muggle photograph, you could capture someone mid-sneeze. When you got the picture developed, they could have a look on their face you never remembered actually seeing. The photograph becomes proof it happened- proof they once looked exactly like that.

It was precisely this reason that the only picture Lily kept of Severus Snape was developed at a Muggle film shop. It was an old picture; she'd taken it the summer before third year, when magic was still so new to her. It was a disappointment to realize that they were far from any wizarding photographers, and she'd have to get the roll of film developed the traditional way. Now, at 18, she was glad she had.

She was laying on her bed, curled up in her baby blue comforter, her head against one of the pale yellow walls of her bedroom. She held the picture of Sev in her left hand, so close to her face it was nearly all she could see. It was worn now, full of creases, ripped edges. Even though she was of age, she didn't want to fix it. It seemed fitting; her friendship with Severus looked just like it - worn out and tattered at the edges.

But Severus himself... she pictured him more often than she really wanted to, but she didn't see the sallow boy he had become. His dark eyes seemed empty and soulless now and she hated to think about it. So whenever her first magical friend came to mind, she would pull out this picture and remember.

This picture - this old photograph snapped during a happy moment at the neighborhood park - it was the proof something had once lived in Severus Snape's eyes. It's the moment captured on camera that you don't ever remember seeing in real life - a sparkle, a contrast between irises that were really brown, despite how black they appeared, and his pupils. Light caught in the corner of his eye that made him appear happy. Sometimes it was hard to remember Severus as he was five years ago; she wondered if the look on his face was how he used to look all the time, or if it was just a trick of the light or one of those moments when the split-second captured on film is the split-second he looked different. But it didn't matter how often he used to have that look on his face. She was just glad he did.

She set down the picture and leaned back against her walls again and the band around her left ring finger drew in her attention. The engagement ring was simple and beautiful, just like the love that James Potter had for her. He proposed the day after they finished at Hogwarts and in the excitement of the moment, her "Yes" was certain and strong. It was only in these quiet days following graduation that she began to wonder if she was making the right decision.

Severus still lived in the neighborhood, and they had already seen each other twice since school got out a month ago. The first time it was just the two of them walking in opposite directions along a sidewalk. His eyes caught hers, paused for a moment, and his face changed again in another split-second look where she could've sworn she saw regret - or love. Those two emotions looked too similar. But the look was gone and his eyes averted before she'd taken two full steps. He hadn't even given her a cordial nod.

The second time, she was with James. They were sitting hand in hand in her front yard, laughing and smiling, when Sev had walked by. This time, the only look to flash across his face was one of disgust. James's wand was already out, his lips already speaking "Levic-" when Lily pushed him over.

"James! How many times do I have to tell you? You can't hex him if you want to marry me!" Lily yelled at him, and if she had been paying attention, she would've seen the slightest of smiles on Severus's face as he kept walking. But James had pulled her down beside him and had begun to kiss her, and she soon forgot all about Severus Snape.

As long as James was there, everything was okay. But in her solitude, she couldn't help but look back at all the things that separated her from Sev, wonder if just one thing had been different, if it would be _his_ ring she now wore on her finger. But it wasn't. And if she was honest with herself, she couldn't imagine ever being his wife, as much as she thought about it when they were younger. Instead, she felt destined (or was it doomed?) to marry James, destined to walk around not quite loving him more than anyone in the world, but knowing that marrying him was the right thing to do.

"Oh Severus," she whispered to no one. "Why did you have to change?"

A knock on the door, the handle turning before she could open her mouth to say "Come in!" Lily quickly grabbed the picture and threw it under the bed as she saw James saunter in.

"Hey beautiful, what's got you all bent out of shape?" He sat beside her on the bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm just thinking, wondering if we should get married so soon, so young." It wasn't a lie, not really.

"Of course we should! You love me, right? And you know I love you. 'It does not do to dwell on your dreams and forget to live.' Isn't that what Dumbledore is always saying? What can go wrong?"

Lily was about to list several things that jumped to her mind about what could go wrong getting married at 18 in the middle of a war, but James was laughing.

Oh yes; laughing! - that laugh was probably the main reason she planned to marry James Potter. Could she love James like she loved Sev? It wasn't likely. But maybe that was a good thing - with Sev, she was always serious, and even getting him to smile was hard work. Had he laughed around her? She couldn't remember. The love she had for Severus Snape seemed to be stored in the same place in her heart as guilt; that love was a heavy burden to carry.

James wrapped his arms around her, pulled her as close as he could, leaning into the wall. Yes, loving James Potter was simple and easy, and that was what she wanted and almost certainly what she needed.

"Well, dear, I told your parents I was just coming up to tell you that it's time for dinner. Shall we join them?"

She kissed her fiancé's cheek. "Go ahead, dear. I'll be right down."

Lily refused to second-guess herself as she pulled the crumpled picture out from underneath her bed. No one would have noticed the brief pause of her green eyes on the dark eyes of the picture. "_Incendio!"_ The flame didn't last long; soon the picture was ashes in her hand. She went to the open window, palm open in the breeze. The ashes scattered, and she joined her family downstairs.


End file.
